IndigOranges

  One of those evenings, which as of now are showing up more frequently than before. Some of these are whole days. Days when one wakes up to these thoughts and which hold the whole body and not just the mind in its unrelenting grasp. On such days one wishes there was somewhere to go to fast. Maybe if I had a vehicle I could have just left this city behind and deposited myself in one of those temple towns which have done so much good for me usually. but of course driving remains an elusive art. the twin demons of laziness and putting it for another day (the word escapes me) sitting pretty on each shoulder. Escapism. Always the escapism. What else is new. All those years the comfort of women and their bodies. The associated emptiness and the guilt. The void immediately after they leave the house. The temporary solace of a warm comforting body and the soothing sounds of a kitchen in use. Of having someone to hold and speak to a fellow human for a change. Instead of me talking to the

This blog started out many many years ago as a place where I had planned to pen down my process and thoughts behind the artwork that I had ambitions to create and show to the world. Over the years, rather soon after it took birth in my head on a rainy hillside which also houses a famous divinity, it became a place for me to delegate my contemplations and musings and pain and recollections and venting in general. Not much art though. And such has the journey been of this blog that each birthday sees a post, which usually speaks of resolutions unachieved, of recollections and guilt trips and the things I wish I had ticked off before reaching the a particular age milestone. Here we are with one more guilt trip post. Today on 6 aug 2022 I received a whatsapp message from mother superior. She wrote out a long recurring pain point on a piece of paper. Took a photo. And sent me on watsapp. This is it here. Keeping it here for posterity. A reminder to myself for having been unable to fulfill t

Back when I had started this blog, way back in 2008 I think - this was meant to be a platform where I talk about my art and the process and the thoughts around it. And see what it has become now. Such are the ways of the mind and the heart I say. A journal of pain and longing is what it has evolved into over the years. More so around the onset of my birth date each year - which brings with it its own load of What If's and Why Not's accumulated over the years past.  I sit right now in the same house where I used to live before the marriage, there is a canvas right beside me and a glass I flicked from a tea shop - which now houses a generous portion of Greater Than gin and some filtered water.  As with every year, there are the guilt trips and the resolutions which I have failed to resolute. Thoughts and memories from the distant and not so distant past which come gushing and trying to find space in the murky recesses of my mind. And of course, my oldest friend the loneliness of

Having decided to be off booze for some time now, I seem to have come back to an old friend - introduced to me by a lovely lady some time back. Quite the comfort drink for the increasingly humid spell we seem to be having in Bangalore right now. Puts one in the right frame of mind I would say, floating above the clouds, and giving off a general vibe of all being well with the world.  Just came home after a very interestingly packed weekend of theatre performances and product sales at the venue of the theatre fest. Nice boost to self esteem and much happiness all around, save for a minor incident tonight at the venue. But I think considering the larger picture, that can be overlooked. Beautiful people, engaging performances and much ego boosting was the hallmark of this one weekend.  #pehelfestival #pehel And of course, gin and tonic, that balm for a hot and humid day. Just the right amount of lethargy. Now where is someone to cuddle and be all squishy with when you need one? ----------