IndigOranges

July 17, 2021 | Hebri | Udupi | Kollur | Mookambika I type this from the very self-pampered confines of a suite in Mahalakshmi Regency, a decently endowed hotel not 20 metres away from the ancient shrine of devi mookambika in kollur. A shrine which in the past decade or more has become very special to me. In ways that I can hardly describe or put into words. Let’s just say I am happy I am entering my 4 th decade on this planet at this holiest of holies. Wont be wrong to say that the goddess continues to inspire and guide in me in many ways. It’s a different matter that most of the times I might not have heeded her signals or directions, mostly due to my own inabilities or pure stupidity of nature. Well, here I am in Kollur, having freshly arrived from Udupi, another special place – the Krishna temple there is another fount of inspiration and guidance since long. Another reason the Udupi temple is dear to me is because of a institution called Mitra Samaj. This is a tiny restaurant

To be touched and given the assurance of a hug. to be sat beside and have the shoulders touching each other with the faintest of  knowing smiles. to have that someone beside you and looking up at the same moon and the same clouds as you do. making out shapes of fluffy fat dogs and rabbits and dragons and hippos from those who go floating by unmindful of the effect they have on those far below days go on without a conversation nights pass by without someone to hold and feel and touch and be close to without some one  to talk to caress to touch or to just flirt why not and to love mostly to just share and open up  the feeling of being closed and of the shell creating new layers  into which i get enveloped and covered and stifled not something i would have wanted but one which i have pushed myself into over the years pushing myself into corners  away from those who were willing to open up new worlds  closing the windows they opened here i sit on my terrace still looking up at the same moo

 

One usually never makes a record of the events of a particular day. But Feb 19 is momentous for the sole reason that the divorce got finalised today and both parties are now truly and well free to pursue lives of their choice. And to over dramatize it, I would say it's a relief and a blessing. The past few years, beginning from Sep 2014 have been 'interesting' to say the least. It all got over in the course of two afternoons spread over a month. New memories, new experiences, new stories await.  

 So I started writing this on Jan 9th, the day after. Jan 08 2021 is when the end began. And about time too. It all ended just a few meters away from where it had all started, right up the road. A sense of relief of course. Mixed in deep measures of guilt and sadness, and of time wasted and of memories that thankfully have taken flight, most of them anyway. The money part and the bargaining and haggling that led to the final amount was the stressful bit, almost four years of money earned through freelancing, all down the drain into that cesspool of consequence driven by karma.   But yes, the only way to see this is as a new start. A new beginning. From the ground up. And I can only hope there are better things and better humans on this new pathway. Some I have already met and hopefully they don't run away after getting to know me better. Let's see.